You can't own your paycheck. Leviticus 25.

This year of Jubilee thing has bothered me for a while as I've heard various church people throw it in to conversations but I've only managed to nod intelligently like I'm supposed to know all about it. It sounded odd to me that after 49 years you had to start giving the things you owned back to their original owners, unless of course you can give back spouses and children? Just kidding....

Then I read Leviticus 25 (yes I'm still trudging through) and it seems to me it's not possessions so much as income that you can't own. A house in a city is pretty much yours, but a field is not - you are buying and selling what that field produces. Crops = Income. Then I thought about money and realised "Hey, you can never own it can you?". You have no control over the value of your money and you can be rich one day and poor the next no matter how hard you try. Then I went further and thought "this whole not worrying about money/income/food/thing is a recurring theme in the bible". Huh! Then I kept having epiphanies about money, greed, charity, living by principles and various deep things until I had to lunge for the television remote and find the anti-epiphany channel called "Supersport" to avoid getting ephinanynitus.

If you want to live a life of value, income will be a poor measure.

Let go of the goat! Leviticus 16

Talk about wading though a sea of do's and don'ts. I'm glad I'm not living as an Israelite during this era as I would know what day to scratch my posterior without getting into deep trouble because I scratched with two strokes instead of three. You put your left foot in....

One little take away for me is a ritual performed on the day of atonement (v20 -22). Everyone gets to lay hands on a goat and transfer all the stuff they did wrong to the goat. The goat then gets led to the wilderness and is given the boot. Don't call the SPCA yet, I'm not in the market for goats: What struck me is the act of letting go. Once your bad stuff is on the goat, you let it go and it doesn't come back. I spend far too much time beating myself up about things I do wrong, and whilst I know I need to improve, I think I would do well to just let it go every now and then.

Guilty before proven guilty. Leviticus 1 - 5.

I hate rules. They seem to kill the question "why", a word of which I am very fond (don't ask me why.......*ahem*........). So it was difficult to start Leviticus without thinking it's anything more than a trudge through tons of boring "Simon says" instructions. But to my surprise I have got something out already - the introduction by Eugene Peterson! You'd have to read it yourself, but “A detailed and meticulous preparation for living “holy” in a culture that hasn’t the faintest idea what “holy” is.” seems like a great start to understanding the context of this book.

And another thing - we tend to look at right and wrong as external things that we're simply measured against, but even in this book of rules it seems to me that intent is more important. If you don't realise you're breaking one of the commandments, you're not guilty even though you are (Chapter 5; 17-19). Or have I misunderstood?

Moses builds the temple: The last chapters of Exodus.

One short observation on the end of Exodus: The nature of the offerings the Israelites gave in order to build the temple. Firstly, the were voluntary (Exodus 35: 5 - 9) and secondly they were told to stop giving when there was enough to finish the task (Exodus 36: 6 - 7). I had a quiet chuckle wondering when I had last heard of a church that asked people to stop giving!

Next stop: Leviticus. Oh boy.

Bells, Smells and lots of blood: Altars. Exodus 25 - 31.

Altar = From Latin word for 'high', an elevated place where people perform religious ceremonies. I checked it out as God seems to take it pretty seriously in the laws he hands out to Moses and the crew. Amongst all these verses of seemingly weird rituals (I was going to comment on each one but decided to punch myself in the head instead), what struck me the most was the holiness of the altar. In some cases the altar remains holy for 7 days and whoever touches it is instantly made holy too.

So what is holy, and where is our altar? It got me thinking about what we desire most (what we "hold high"), as that's probably our altar. If you get to touch that altar, what do you become?

The commandements they forgot to tell you about. Exodus 19 - 24.

Considered a moral code for Christianity, an ideological base for much of the Jewish law and mirrored in verses from the Qur'an, these 10 commandments have received a lot of attention over the years. At least 5 movies have been made about them, which is just one less than movies made about ancient Mayan paw-paw recipes, so even Hollywood thinks they're important.

But what about the other commandments? Besides the laws governing various ceremonies, Exodus lists a whole whack of other commandments that Rabbinical Jews consider as important as the first 10. Ever read them? I did for the first time yesterday, and picked out some whoppers:

• If someone curses their father or mother, the penalty is death (21 v17). Oops....
• If you hit someone with a rock, and the injured person manages to hobble around for a while, you get to avoid the death penalty (21 v18-19). So hit softly with rocks, OK?
• One ox = five cattle, and one lamb = four sheep. Except when they're worth two (22 v1-5). No wonder I failed at maths.
• If you lend money to poor people, do not gouge them with interest (22 v25). Same goes for collateral - give it back before you're paid (22 v26-27). Money lenders must have missed this verse
• Help your enemies out. If you find their stuff - take it back to them (23 v4-5). So if George had found those WMDs, I guess he would have given them back. Lucky he didn't find anything then.
• Don't boil a kid in it's mother's milk (23 v19). I know, it's a goat, but sheez!

I get that these can't be taken out of historical and cultural context, so I know that I am being facetious and that they are intended to build a fabric for justice and righteousness. But I think I prefer the way Jesus put things: Make sure you get things in order and don't mess up your priorities, and then love others like you love yourself (Matthew 22, v37-40). You can build a life on that.

Middle management, volcanos and getting stoned. Exodus 18 - 20.

I'm finding these chapters quite entertaining: There's practical advice, drama, comedy, and plenty to make you think. So here it is:

Practical advice: Moses father-in-law sees Moses dealing with peoples disputes and questions all day long (teaching them God's laws), and tells him he'll burn out doing it that way. He helps Moses set up competent leadership structures to handle the daily stuff, whilst Moses only handles the serious issues. Marcus Buckingham has it right - successful companies have good middle management and he has the research to prove it.

Drama: It was a dark and stormy night! No, it was a smokey and burning mountain. With darkness. Oh and lightening and thunder. And don't touch it, or you'll die. And anyone who touches the person who touches the mountain, they get stoned (not in a good way). That's the context in which Moses ascends Mount Sinai. Fear and trembling all-round.

Comedy: The way the author of Exodus keeps reminding us that Jethro is Moses' father-in-law. Do we have a short-term memory problem or something? "Moses, I am you faaaaaasha!......in-law". Also an irreligious thought when God tells Moses what will happen with those who touch the ones who touched the mountain. I pictured John Cleese saying "Stone them! That right - kill them! [dramatic music] No, wait...ummm....shoot them with arrows! Yes that's better - shoot them to death!". Like I said, irreligious, but funny.

Contemplative: Those ten commandments. Simple, but complex. Easy, but difficult. Strange, yet familiar. Why those 10? (and the other 603?). Need to think..............

Why do we always complain? Exodus 16,17.

What a lot of K'vetshing! Man those Israelites complained more than, well, people who complain a lot. They were just miraculously saved from some Egyptian head-knocking via chariot, and again they ask why they couldn't have just stayed back in the land of lamb-stew (no really, lamb stew was the deal-breaker). So God sends them manna and they chow down happily. Next thing you know: "Hey Mo, got anything to drink? Why did you drag us out here you sadist?". So God helps Moses again and they get water from a rock. I was reminded of the many people who ask "if God exists, why do babies die/does cancer exist/is life unfair/do good people suffer/is my porridge cold," etc. I reckon if babies stopped dying and our porridge was always warm, we'd just find another reason not to believe in or trust God. It's a tough one, but it seems we come back to making a choice in these matters (one I hope I am never tested on).


One other interesting fact: At a battle against Amalek, they noticed that they were winning when Moses' hands were up, and losing when they were down. Up, winning; Down, losing; Up, winning; Down, losing. And that's how the Mexican wave was invented.

Do we need signs, wonders and rituals? Exodus 13 - 15

Post Foundationalism. Empiricism. Speculative Realism. Ex-nihilo Creationism. These are all philosophical viewpoints I'm pretending to understand in order to write this post. Why? Because Moses had no idea about any of them: He simply ascribed the Israelite escape from Egypt as the work of God. (Oh, a quick summary: God prescribes the traditions that are now the Passover; The Israelites are given directions by a 'God-GPS" a.k.a pillar of fire/smoke; Pharaoh has another mood swing and chases them down; The Israelites panic......again; God parts the Red Sea letting the Israelites across and, well, drowning the Egyptians; The Israelites regain their faith and sing a happy song involving reverence and roasting). It makes me realise how unfortunate it is that we are always waiting for signs and wonders in order to believe. A recent article I read makes a good point: Where we are 100% certain we have no need for faith.

Some other quickies:

• I'm getting a tattoo. Well maybe, but more importantly I'm wondering why the modern church is so ritual-averse. God makes it clear that he wants his people to remember who saved them by making a means that's "a sign on your hands or a symbol on your forehead" (Chapter 13) i.e. so that you can't blooming-well miss it! And we get scared of custom....
• Rabi Ken Spiro makes a case for miracles being natural acts with incredibly good (God) timing. Check out the pillar of smoke and the parting of the red sea (after an evening of incredible wind - not from Moses' oratory this time).
• I forgot that the authorship of Exodus is ascribed to Moses, and he's explaining everything in a theological way. So when I read "God made the [Egyptian] chariot wheels get stuck in the mud", I thought that maybe I have been making too big-a-deal about God making Pharaoh stubborn. That's just Moses' mental filter.
• Say this with a New York Jewish accent: "Hey Moses! What, the cemeteries in Egypt ain't big enough for us so you thought you'd bring us out here to die? Shmendrik!". Now read Chapter 14: 10-12.

Macdonalds lamb burgers and what not to wear: Exodus 11 - 13.

Yo Pharaoh - smell you later! Moses' posse finally gets to leave the land in which they thrived for many years and head off into the wilderness. That makes Moses, despite his stutter, an outstanding salesman, although I think having a staff that turns into a snake and watching the promise of Egyptians dying wholesale overnight would have convinced most people to sign on the dotted line and press hard please. Even some Egyptians went with them! (*mental note: get some scary presentations of exploding computers to sell new data backup service*). Mixed up in this time frame we also have the significant act of the God not killing the Israelites based on them following his instructions of painting lamb's blood on their doors: The Passover.

A couple of things spring to mind:

• What did Moses wear? No really, not like "man those sandals clash with that belt" but rather that he was Pharaoh's grandson and an Israelite, so I wonder how he presented himself in Pharaoh's court. Did he get changed to address the Israelites? How do we present ourselves every day or is this just a contrived thought?
• Since God killed the firstborn of everything Egyptian including animals, I think it would have been a bad time to be an Egyptian Goose.
• It's interesting that the families could share the sacrificial lambs if the group was too small for a whole animal. Very practical advice for a massively spiritual event don't you think?
• God tells them to eat quick - keep your clothes on and your walking stick in your hand (Exodus 12:11). Officially the first historical record of drive/walk-through fast food.
• This is the first time I've noticed a detailed set of rituals which I recognise as an observed festival or custom. Perhaps part of the process of nation-building that sets up the events at Mount Sinai a bit later on. (Interestingly the Jewish people see themselves as the only nation not defined by geography but by God proclaiming as such. But that's jumping ahead.) As Christians we are quick to dismiss these laws as rituals, but perhaps we should give them more attention: If not in observance then in looking for the reasons they exist. Some Jewish people think that Christians consider the 10 commandments the "10 suggestions", and are quick to point out that there are actually 613 commandments. Do we take them seriously enough? Oops, jumping ahead again.

So there you have it. After 430 years in Egypt, the Israelites are on the move. Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again" is playing in my head............

A Pox on Your Head! Oh and your river....your house...Genesis 7 -11.

On some days I feel like a special bird that my friend Winston told me about: It flies around in ever-decreasing circles until it flies up it's own butt. Reading about the (famous) biblical plagues in Egypt has created this unpleasant vision-darkening experience for me.

I subscribe to the view that the bible is not intended to be historically accurate: Although it may be it's not a prerequisite for it's authenticity or relevance to me. So let's forget about the science or plausibility of the plagues and what might have happened when, I'm confused by dynamics of God's approach to nailing Pharaoh whilst working towards getting the Israelites out. He says it plainly to Moses at the beginning of chapter 7: I'm going to make Pharaoh's life hell but I'll also make him stubborn so that we can make it clear who's boss. Is that fair? I don't mean to be irreligious, but since my plan for this blog was to record my honest thoughts I really do think that's a bit rough on the fella. Or am I being overly simplistic? Maybe Pharaoh was the over-confident ruler who simply wouldn't accept he was wrong and needed the beating he got (and this was recorded as God making him stubborn).


I'll have to dig a bit deeper on this one - since this story was written after the fact, I guess it could be like the sports report on Monday morning where everything happened for a reason and there is always someone to blame. Excuse me whilst I engage with the idol of Internet information to find out more, let's see...www.google.com.....did Pharaoh have a right to be miffed....*search*......39341153 results......(you still here? This is going to take a while!)

Pharaoh Pious the III (not really)

Giving Birth, Episode One. Exodus 5 and 6.

Labour unions would have had a field day with Pharaoh. When Moses does what God asks him to (let my people go), Pharaoh responds with "When pyramids fly!", and simply makes the Israelites work harder. "Management 101: Pharaoh's Way" became an instant best-seller. To make things worse, the Israelites blamed Moses and Aaron for dropping them in the poo, leaving the lads wondering what on earth they signed up for. Why are they not getting the results they expected? So they consult God, who once again tells them to just keep going as He (that's with a big "H") will make it happen as promised.

Eugene Peterson describes the freeing of Israel as a birthing process i.e. a painful one. I'm finding many of the goals I've set to be just that: painful! I want business results...now. I want to finish building my new house...now. I want to increase my fitness...now. Now, now, now, now! And in the process I want everyone to like me, to experience no resistance and never to stutter. OK I threw that last one in, but I'm just saying I think we need to get into Moses' sandles every once-in-a-while and learn to stick things out to reach good goals. Know what I mean?

Why me is a good question when you suck. Exodus 2 - 5

It's a Sunday school bonanza! Moses in the reeds, Moses and the burning bush, Moses and the stick-that-becomes-a-snake-and-check-out-his-yucky-hand-toys-r-us-would-kill-for-it trick. But I know all that already from, well, Sunday school I suppose. It's the question Moses asks that intrigues me: Why me God? God might have taken spread bets on how often he gets asked that question daily, but nevertheless it's a good one coming from Moses: Why would God choose a murderous, culture-swapping, cowardly, stuttering, uncircumcised (I think) and doubting character to lead one of the most important events in Jewish History? Would you buy into O.J. Simpson's leadership vision?

I dunno. It's actually pretty amazing how persistent God is with Moses who completely lacked any semblance of Faith in this process and was probably no stranger to a good rack of pork ribs. God tells him what to say (Tell them the God of their fathers sent you), gives him the means (cleans out the Egyptians), makes him credible (the miracles), and even provides support in the form of a good public speaker (Aaron, his brother-ish).

I've always been one to think my own lack of faith is a problem for God, but maybe the church has drummed the wrong idea into me: It's not the blind faith I've come to think is so desirable. Perhaps it's a general life lesson too: Instead of "Why me?", should we not ask "Why not me?", and then find ways around the obstacles.

Egyptian Chameleons are still alive and well.

I like condensed milk, therefore I like Exodus 1 as it takes about 200 years down to one chapter. If I do some extrapolation I reckon we could have made the whole bible just 30 chapters: much easier reading! Just kidding - I'm at home with a tome - but the Egyptians seem to prefer their Hebrews in small chunks. Not literally of course (although maybe one or two became salty snacks), but when Israel grows into a large nation the Egyptians feel seriously threatened. I guess they went to bed feeding a Maltese Poodle and woke up staring at a Rottweiler, so they decided it would be best to put the new pooch in a cage. The Israelites soon found themselves enslaved and heavily persecuted as their Egyptian masters tried to manage the threat they perceived them to be.

It's amazing how quickly people change: Friends one day, enemies the next........

Oxymoron: The end of Genesis

In the last bit of Genesis we see Jacob heading skywards, and the winding down of the story of these first bible characters. Joseph and his brothers - the 12 tribes - all die in the first chapter of Exodus. I skipped ahead, but pretend I didn't. By the way, Jacob clearly missed chapters 1 - 10 of "How to win friends and influence people" as he tells his sons what he expects they will become in a mix of blessings and curses worthy of the label "Tourettes". The first three kids he derides, the rest he either praises or suggests they will have a career in confectionery. Counselling anyone?

So what can I take home about Genesis?

1. Nobody's perfect. And maybe that's the idea. But try to make good decisions.
2. We work stuff out with God. When did we stop this and start putting both of us in a box?
3. Good things happen. Bad things happen. It's part of the journey.
4. Faith (a.k.a. hope) is important. Good people were faithful and faithful people counted.
5. Never trust a talking snake, and try not to pass out naked.

Now for Exodus..............

Recession? Pay up! Genesis 47.

After toying with his brothers and father for a period of time during which Joseph hides his identity and messes with their collective heads (for reasons I can't think of but will be sure to look up), the whole clan get to move to a nice fertile spot in Egypt and start doing very nicely, thank you. So nicely in fact, that when the paw-paw and fan make close acquaintance in the form of deepened famine in Egypt, they seem to to be the only ones left with food and resource. This allows Joseph to provide for the rest of the starving minions in return for a small price: Their money, livestock, land and services in the form of slavery to Pharaoh. Welcome home totalitarianism, everyone is now literally owned by the state.

Luckily, Joe is the benevolent sort and gives the underlings a means to pull themselves out of the hole they are in (with a small 20% tax to be paid on the results). Sound familiar? Governments around the world have bailed banks and companies out of financial ruin during this wide-spread recession. There is increasing control placed on fiscal activity too. I'm as far from being an economist or political guru as the Zimbabwe dollar is from buying a pancake, but I'm thinking two things here: Firstly, I hope the governments do not get too drunk on the power (see "t" word above), and secondly I hope the price we have to pay for the help is not too high......

Mind the Gap: Messages from Beyond in Genesis 40 - 42.

Joe Christian's saga at work continues when the big boss (a.k.a Pharaoh) gets a couple of cryptic emails about the markets that almost make sense, but not quite. A bit like anything that comes out of the mouth of SA rugby coach Peter de Villiers. So he calls in IT, finance, and his brokers to try and make sense of them, but no-one has a clue (although the broker managed to sell an increase in life cover). Then someone recalls that Joe in cleaning once worked out the origin of some nasty SPAM using a technique involving a mop, seven pages of A4 paper and a glass eye, so the boss decided to give him a go. Joe - being Joe, remember - cracks the code and tells the boss that the emails are from Warren Buffett and outline what is going to happen in the markets over the next few years. This allows all the right decisions to be made and the company is saved. Hurray!

I am quick to dismiss many of the dreams and 'God encounters' in bible stories as explanations from people with a theological world view. That is the unfortunate result of a skeptical nature, too much time in university and an aversion to the paranormal. But I have to admit that what is logical and real to me might not count at all to God. I read a great article on the power of dreams in the bible and the author (Walter Brueggemann) makes some excellent points on why we sometimes need to take heed of things that are "outside our controlled management of reality". Dreams are a way for God to intrude on our ordered, well explained world and although the psychology greats have good scientific models for why we dream, I can see equally good reasons for God to use them to talk to us. Anyone for a discussion on non-realist theology? Just kidding - read the article............

Does cream rise to the top? Genesis 39.

Let's re-word the beginning of Jo's trip to Egypt. Joseph = Joe Christian. Egypt = The Office. Pharaoh = The boss.

The boss is mighty pleased with Joe's work and realises that if he promotes this trustworthy and loyal character that he will soon be able to play golf three times a week. So he does, Joe rips his job to the power of woohoo, and the boss upgrades his 3 wood. But the receptionist who gets batted by Joe after an advance on his half-decent bod spitefully frames Joe for stealing paperclips with an scheme worthy of being an episode of Grey's Anatomy. The next thing you know Joe is demoted to the cleaning staff. Joe being Joe, the cleaning boss spots the same attributes the big boss did, and within no time Joe is managing all the cleaners whilst the cleaning boss gets back to his post-graduate studies in the ecophysiology of submerged angiosperms.

There are plenty of well told life lessons in these early passages. What struck me is Joseph's success by being ethical in a world that was not. We live in a world where right and wrong seem to have no bearing on a persons ability to rise to the top (think presidents, executives, murderers) and the measure of a person's character is less important than their position or achievements. Much like what Egypt represented symbolically. Will ethical and morally motivated people be successful in this world or have the rules changed?

Legalise prostitution? Genesis 38.

A quick thought. Judah (Joseph's brother) sleeps with who he thinks is a prostitute but is in fact his daughter-in-law. It's a long story, but Judah first calls for her punishment until she produces evidence that it was him that danced the happy dance with her, and he duly acknowledges his guilt.

There's a lot of debate in South Africa at moment about legalising prostitution. I think criminalising prostitution is a bit like this story in that we're quick to judge when we are really all guilty and we condemn the person outright. But does legalising it amount to condoning it? Is it not better to try and eliminate it by helping the women and men caught up in the vicious cycle it produces?

Like I said, just a thought.

Any dream will dooooo (warble): Genesis 37

I'm moving on from acknowledging the general depravity of these early bible characters. It's like watching a slasher movie - eventually the gore loses it's impact and you start looking for some plot. Not that you'll find any in the movie, but I'm sure there's plenty in this book!

So Jacob has a bunch of sons one of whom is Joseph, and makes the mistake of openly loving him more than the others. Joseph adds to the resultant jealousy and hatred by either arrogantly or innocently retelling the (figurative) dreams he has that he will rule over his brothers and parents. The story is well told (thanks Andrew Lloyd Webber!) and Joseph starts his significant life journey with a trip down a well followed by slavery. Who could ask for a better start?

I'm stealing from Matthew Henry's commentary here, but isn't that typical of life? We have dreams, hopes, visions and plans but always seem to end up in a hole or a slave to something - time, commitment to work, church (careful Russ), family, people etc. I am about to set off on a path to reach a personal goal and to be honest I am expecting to have to get through some tough times to start with. Let's see where Joseph's journey takes him, maybe there's some solutions for us.

Rape and Retribution. Genesis 34 - 37.

I've read a couple of interesting articles on morality recently (like this one), and it seems it was good timing as I'm still surprised by the base nature of this not-yet-Jewish-but-getting-there culture. In response to their sister's rape, Jacob's sons trick the tribe of the perp into circumcising themselves. Unsurprisingly, the men find this a little more painful than sandal blisters and so whilst incapacitated Jacob's sons move in, kill the men, plunder the village and generally behave like football supporters. Jacob's response was not so much to reprimand them but to feel a bit bleak that he would now have to move out to avoid retaliation from the locals.

Our team understood rape was wrong, but retribution was OK? I am reminded in chapter 35 that this nation still has a bunch of other gods they carry around with them, so it made me wonder if the rights and wrongs of the 10 commandments and other moral laws are innate (I think C.S. Lewis held this argument) or if they have had to be worked out over time as God revealed himself to this nation and so to us (as this account suggests)?

What do you think?

A quick irony

Seen today at the local bookshop. I guess it's religion for many.........

The Diet of Zara

I asked my German Shepherd how she found Eugene Peterson's The Message. She said "filling"

A theory of relativity: Genesis 31 - 34.

It's funny how we justify our actions, seeing right and wrong through our own mental filters. Jacob, now a rich man with more goats, sheep and camels than there were cast members in Ben-Hur, feels the pressure to leave and sneaks off towards home (wives, children and livestock in tow). His father-in-law-stroke-uncle (fluncle? unclaw?) thinks this is well off-sides and tracks him down. After a bit of 'you started it', Jacob accuses fluncle Laban of trying to cheat him out of the wages he earned. Laban defends himself saying "hey, they were my daughters, my sheep, my goats, so what do you mean I try to cheat you?". I wonder if he was genuinely convinced that he had done no wrong, or was just trying to convince himself in order to justify his actions.

Don't we do this all the time? The big things like murder and stealing are easy to spot (I think I've managed to avoid those so far), but I seem capable of a thousand excuses for the small things. It's all relative isn't it? And ultimately I guess I'll always do it, which is why I'm grateful for grace.

By the way, I've worked out why Esau disliked Jacob. You see, when Jacob heard Esau was looking for him along with 400 men, he split his travelling party into two camps in order to hedge his bets. So big, burly, hairy, stew-eating Esau must simply have thought his brother was two camp. Take your time.........................

Sex, thugs and rocky wells: Jacob's exploits

Seriously, the initial bits of Jacob's trip away from his family are filled with lying, cheating, shagging, deceit, and other stuff of a generally insidious nature. When I stay 'zoomed out', I have to admit I battle to see anything more in these first parts of the story than examples of how selfish human nature is. Richard Dawkins would agree I'm sure!

Jacob's uncle tricks him to marrying his older daughter (c'mon over cuzzin!), gets him to work for free in order to have the second daughter, and then tries to wangle his way out of paying Jacob an agreed wage. Leah and Rachel vie for first place in the household whilst wanting to scratch each other's eyes out, and Jacob is kept occupied (willingly) making the maids his wives offer him pregnant. Talk about a pink ticket! The sons they have are all given Zulu names like "Look-it's-a-boy", "Vindication", "Lucky" and "Happy". Jacob also experiments in genetic engineering by setting up a method to get patchy sheep from plain ones, although I doubt science could reproduce his experiments.

There are some interesting bits in here, but since I promised myself I'd read this as broadly as possible, so I'm just going to keep looking for the reasons these stories have been kept in the bible (hey I'm skeptical but the christian in me has to think there's a reason for all these stories right?). Stay tuned..........

Are we that rotten? Genesis 25 - 27

It seems these bible characters just can't help making bad decisions. The characters in the plot are Abraham's son Isaac, his sons Jacob and Esau, Isaac's wife Rebekah and that pork-eating philistine king, Abimelech. Check this out:

Jacob (the mommy's boy) steals his brother's birthright through manipulation (Esau being really thick or really hungry or probably both). Isaac repeats the lie his father told by saying his wife is his sister (this must be some sort of custom!). Rebekah encourages her one son Jacob to lie and cheat in order to steal his father's blessing from Esau (maybe she figured Esau too stupid for anything but hunting). Esau, unsurprisingly, plots to murder his brother. The only guy who does nothing wrong is the philistine.

This is early days in the story of a young nation of clearly unsophisticated people, and if I were to be a bit analytical I'd say the superego is underdeveloped, the ID is winning, and the ego has no idea what to do to get things right. Human nature is not pure - it wants what it wants.

One quick observation: Rebekah tells Jacob to run away until his brother 'forgets what you did to him'. I doubt it Beckie!

The last of Abe - God gets Fleeced

Abraham needs a wife for Isaac, so he sends a servant off with a list of requirements to find the right woman. Lucky girl. Anyway, the servant really wants to get it right, so he asks God the 'if' question: "If a girl does this and that, then I'll know she's the one". The girl does, and the next thing you know Rebekah is Isaac's wife. I think this is the first "fleece test" reported in the story so far.

My wife uses fleeces to perfection and God always seems to answer her. I never get an answer, and I seldom say "God, if you park a Ferrari in my garage, then I'll know to throw an extra 10 bucks in the offering bucket". OK, maybe just the once. But I wonder if there's a condition around this because asking God for a sign is pretty common in the bible. Is it Faith? Cazz always gets 'Jesus Parkings' at the malls simply because she expects to. Hmmmmm......

Do we use the 'if test' with God too much or too little?

Abe continued: Sometimes it's faith and sometimes it's money

In last week's episode: Abe has a spit braai then negotiates with God on some conditions to destroy a city, unmentionable stuff happens with Lot's daughters, Abe pimps Sarah again and soon after sends his first son to desert boot camp, God finally delivers on his promise to give Abraham a son from Sarah, and Abraham narrowly escapes slitting his throat. Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of Abe's wives......

I'm skipping huge chunks of often-repeated bible stories, but I wanted to record one thing I found interesting. Abraham is all about faith: He goes where God asks, believes in God's promises, does what God tells him too etc. However when Sarah dies, the woman who is pretty special in the whole account, there's no big faith decision or heavenly fireworks around her burial. Abraham simply negotiates a price on a place to bury her. In isolation these seems pretty ordinary, but it comes straight after the story of Abraham being willing to sacrifice Isaac.

It made me wonder if there are some decisions in our lives that God sees as big, but others that he might not be so bothered with. Sometimes it's all tears, faith, snot and prayer as we petition God for guidance, and other times we just need to buy the flipping field.

Abe continued - zoomed out

Eugene Peterson's 'The Message' is a great way to read through the bible if you want to avoid getting too bogged down in the details. I was about to do just that by looking up some commentaries on Genesis and Abraham, but Eugene Peterson's introduction to the books of Moses reminded me that Genesis is the conception of God's engagement with humanity. So things are not necessarily clear, and these are stories and 'signposts' that tell the baby is there and full of life (as he says), but we're not exactly sure of the fingers and toes.

So I'm looking at the whole story of Abraham as a process of working things out. Working out faith, sacrifice, destiny, promise, custom, right and wrong, and negotiation - these all seem to be in the stories of Sarah's inability to fall pregnant, the building of alters, circumcision, meeting with God, the behaviour of Lot and of Sodom and all the other bits in between. It makes me feel a little more free to work things out with God myself, and not rely on any prescriptive methods. There are things I like, and things I don't; understanding, and confusion; comfortable stuff, and things that make me squirm - but if I keep God (faith) as the foundation, then that's OK by me.

A quick aside - I noticed how Abraham told Sarah to quickly make bread whilst he himself dashed off to pick a cow to roast for three mysterious visitors one day. Hurry up and knead the dough? Quickly roast a cow? Sure - just pop them in the Microwave Abe!

Genesis 12 to 28-ish: Abraham.

Abraham. Big, burly, bearded father of three religions. I was hoping to get through the early bits quickly, but this Abraham is an interesting guy. Wherever he goes, he builds an altar. He also seems to do whatever God tells him to, even though there are times he is fearful or doubtful. He's even a bit of an altruist, giving his Nephew Lot first pick on where to settle and refusing a bounty from the King of Sodom after Abraham's posse of servants took out an organised army (probably after passing around a copy of "Guerilla Tactics for Desert Folk, first edition").

But perfect he sure isn't! Early on in the story he pimps his wife off to Pharoah (he says Sarah is his sister) in order to save his own skin and gets pretty wealthy in the process. He does this again later with another king - Abimelech - saying Sarah is his sister. And by the way it's the guys who take Sarah who get punished, not Abraham. Is it just me or is that really heavy? Or perhaps this wasn't such a strange thing to do in a strongly patriarchal society at the time.

This whole story to me seems to be about destiny and determination. God had a plan for Abraham and a contract in place, and God chose to honour that whilst Abraham bumbled his way along. Maybe I sweat the small stuff to much and that's what this story could be telling me. But I don't think I'll be offerring my wife up for sale anytime soon.

More on Abe to follow........

Genesis 11 - Odd, God.

The tower of Babel, a well known story about how a group of people who decided to build a tower in order to 'reach heaven' and 'be famous and not scattered' everywhere. The story says that God didn't like that idea, so he popped their balloons by scattering them everywhere and made them talk different languages.

It's odd to me how vulnerable God seems in this account. Why would he be upset that people spoke one language and built a tower? Is it because they wanted to pursue their own goals? Is that a bad thing?

I'm still finding these early bible stories easier to understand if I invert them: See them from the perspective of a relatively young Jewish culture with a theological view of the world. Then Babel would be a great way to explain why a nomadic nation kept bumping into other people who spoke different languages, and that God considered them, the Jewish nation, set apart.

Genesis 6 - 10: A Damp Discourse.

"Captains log, 3764BC. Still raining, and the only end in sight is when Ham puts his coat on backwards. Strange kid that, I'll bet his decedents end up as slaves.....".

OK, we all know the Noah's ark story. Water, animals, a boat, rainbows and a twig seeking dove-missile. Like the creation account, many take this literally, others no so much, and there are plenty of arguments that support these views. So I want to raise some other questions and comments:


- Before the flood we were vegetarians, apparently. I still hate cabbage though.

- After being a huge floating zoo for an extended period, Noah promptly burns one of each animal as an offering to God. Besides that being an odd thing to do just off the bat (except if viewed retrospectively by a Jew already doing it...), it makes God happy. I can't think that God actually enjoys a multi-species braai, so is it more that Noah chose to honour and acknowledge God as one of the first things he did? After all, it seems that's what saved him from a tragically long swim in the first place (remember the story goes that God saved Noah and his family because he walked with God and had integrity). Is this story just another example of "God First?".

- Noah must be really ugly naked, as there's quite a storm when he passes out boozed and then gets covered by his sons who do everything possible to avoid looking at his wobbly bits. This is duly followed up by Ham and his decedents being cursed with slavery because he either noticed his father's nakedness, told his brothers to have a bit of laugh, or sat his lazy butt down whilst his brothers took the old drunk home. Whatever the reason, I'm seeing an early pattern developing here, which is that right-standing with God keeps you out of the poo, and selfishness/greed/other bad things land you in hot (or cold) water. This is going to lead to more questions later on, I just know it.....

What's your take on the story of Noah?

Genesis 4 and 5 - Incest and Family Trees

Lots of people begat lots of others, and there may be many reasons for this diligent recording of heredity. It sounds a bit folk story doesn't it? I don't mean that it's a pile of poo, I just think it was written with the audience in mind i.e. "Where did we come from"?

A couple of questions though:
1.) Cain kills Abel, a murderous act which we'll all agree is frowned on in all cultures. So God tells Cain he'll be punished. Cain objects and says he'll be killed, to which God replies he'll protect Cain against death. Why?

2.) The story goes on about people living for 800 and 900 years, but one poor lad (Enoch) only gets 365 years despite special mention of his dedication to God and right living. Generally, right-living is mentioned alongside long-life, so why did Enoch get snatched up by God so, errr, "early" in life?

3.) The story makes mention of people starting to pray and worship in the name of God around the time of the birth of Adam's grandson, Enosh. What did they do before that? Does this hint at the progression of an awareness of God moving from something like Pantheism into something more complex (in Freudian fashion maybe)?

Genesis 2 and 3, the end of the nudist colony

Much has been said of the end of innocence in the garden of Eden, and I don't think I was impressed by any new thoughts on these chapters besides having a few questions on the details and the weird imagery. It's clear we were intended to have a close relationship with God without fear or sin, and many preachers and teachers have commented on Jesus' role in allowing us to restore the connection with God and return to a 'garden like' relationship with him. Interestingly, I have read a Jewish commentary that says the law (moral and ritual) was intended to do the same - give us a guideline on returning to this Eden experience where we simply walk with God. Maybe that's what Jesus was referring to when he said he came to fulfill the law?

Genesis - the Creation Story

I can't help thinking that many of the stories in this first book are better understood when prefixed with "Daddy, where did we come from?", or "Mommy, why is the sky blue?". Don't take that as a curve-ball to exclude God from all of it, but I do battle with the idea that it's intended to be literal. If others want to take it like that, that's fine, but I think arguing either way is actually besides the point, and I am siding with Eugene Peterson's view that Genesis is about God as a foundation illustrated with stories of real people. God in the centre; life about God (living that out takes different forms so I'm not off to the priesthood) and God all the time.



So the Creation story you can take as you wish, but I would like to think that God used tools, like evolutionary processes, to create the earth and us rather than click his fingers to do it. I look at the creation process as God producing a masterpiece - I am far more inspired by a table that took years to make and carve than one that was knocked together in some factory. I imagine God stepping back after the process and feeling proud at this incredible creation like I imagine one of the Renaissance greats would have felt on the completion of a work of art. Maybe like Michelangelo after dolling up the ceiling at the Sistine chapel, if you'll pardon the irony.

What do you think?